


It's Been So Long

by bakuGoAway



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: AUs, Angst, Drabble, Fluff, Gay, Hunter x Hunter - Freeform, M/M, Male/Male, Oneshot, Unbeta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 16:05:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12511112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakuGoAway/pseuds/bakuGoAway
Summary: This is going to be an ongoing collection of my Hunter x Hunter drabbles, written over the years. If you have any suggestions for a oneshot, let me know! I'm open to anything except adult/minor, Illumi/anyone lmao or Hisoka/any of the children. Some of these are several years old, so please bear with me, as it's not going to be amazing haha.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Killua and Gon finally reunite after a little more than a year.

Fluttering snow drifted down from the sky as Gon Freecss hurried through the city. He wasn’t in the best of moods, as he had not gotten much sleep the night before. But still, he tried to remain upbeat as he rushed around, doing errands. After all, the 15 year old only had so much time to get everything done.

“Right, Killua?” Gon turned to his side, once again forgetting that Killua wasn’t around anymore. “Right… he’s gone…” With a sigh, Gon shook himself, readjusting his muffler and straightening up. He continued along, only walking a few paces before he heard a painfully familiar voice hesitantly call his name.

“Gon…?” Gon turned around, confused. And then he froze. About seven feet away from him stood the boy he had missed so much, the boy he often had nightmares about losing… Killua Zoldyck, blue eyes thrown wide with shock, was standing just a few feet away from him. Gon felt tears prick his eyes as he stood stock-still, both boys waiting for the other to make a move.

Killua was the first to move. Quickly composing himself, the white-haired teen flashed Gon a smile, wiping his eyes almost imperceptibly.

“K-Killua?” Gon said, still afraid to believe it. He had long since given up hope of Killua contacting him. He figured that if he wanted to see him, he would have.

“Yeah. It’s me. I’m so sorry I never emailed you,” he started, striding forward as he talked. “I lost your email address, seeing as I hadn’t committed it to memory or anything, and I guess you changed your phone number because none of my calls would go through. I’m sorry, Gon.” Gon’s cheeks heated up as he remembered that, yes, he had changed his phone number. He had lost his old phone while fishing; it was at the bottom of some lake.

“I… It’s okay, Killua,” Gon said, a smile breaking over his face. The first real smile he’d had in about a year. “I missed you so much!” He rushed forward, throwing his arms around Killua’s neck and hugging him. Killua laughed nervously, hugging him back.

“It’s good to see you again.”

“You bet!” Gon said, quickly regaining his old personality. Killua breathed a silent sigh of relief; he had been a bit worried when he saw how deserted and depressed his expression had been. “We have so much to catch up on…”


	2. A Moment in Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua and Gon have some alone time.

“Killua-!” Gon’s face was red as he half-heartedly pushed his boyfriend off of him. Killua chuckled and kissed his neck, grinning wickedly.

“Why~? Don’t you love me~” Killua nuzzled Gon, wrapping his arms around him. Gon made an appreciative noise and inhaled deeply, contentedly breathing in Killua’s scent. He could only describe it as the smell of electricity; ozone and rain and a hint of singed leaves. It was Gon’s favorite smell.

“I love you, it’s just…” Gon’s expression was conflicted. One side of him lived for moments like these, when he and Killua were alone and they could just be themselves. “It’s embarrassing, you know?” Gon smiled slightly. Killua laughed again, locking his arms and legs around Gon.

“Oh well. Maybe I want to embarrass you~” Killua pressed his face into the crook of Gon’s neck and closed his eyes, sighing.

“That tickles!” Gon giggled as Killua’s fluffy hair brushed his neck. Killua moved so he was straddling Gon, pinning his arms up above his head like he was going to do something even halfway serious. Instead, he held Gon’s wrists in one hand and started tickling him with the other, laughing as Gon squirmed and cried with laughter.

“Stop- haha- I- hahaha- Killua I’m gonna- hahaha- I’m gonna kill you- haha-” Finally Gon managed to push Killua off of him, wiping the tears from his eyes. “That was mean!” Killua crawled back over to him, gently pulling the other against his chest and closing his eyes. Gon noticed the shift in mood and smiled, knowing that he was going to get some long-awaited cuddle time.

“I love you, you know that?” Killua whispered in Gon’s ear, burying his face into his neck. Gon nodded, still smiling.

“Yeah. I love you, too.” But Killua took the conversation to a direction that Gon hadn’t anticipated. Killua suddenly tightened his grip on Gon, pushing his face into his shoulder.

“I was so afraid… Back then… That I was going to lose you,” Killua said softly, still not looking up. Gon’s eyebrows turned up in confusion and concern as he twisted his neck to get a better look at him.

“Killua…?”

“I thought I would be too late… That I would lose you. I was almost too late…” Gon’s stomach dropped; he thought that these were gone.

See, shortly after Gon recovered, Killua had violent mood swings, and would get depressed to the point of nearly being suicidal. Those times had terrified Gon; he had been afraid that he would lose his friend and boyfriend. He hated to see him like that. But he had gradually gotten better, and there hadn’t been an episode for several months. Gon could only hope that they had been over with.

Twisting around, Gon turned so that they were facing each other. He took Killua’s chin and forced him to look him in the eye. Regret and pain and hopelessness swam in Killua’s icy blue eyes.

“Killua.” He didn’t answer.

“Kil-lu-a.” 

“...Yeah.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Gon looked thoughtful for a moment. “No, wait, scratch that. It is your fault. It is your fault that I am sitting here right now, perfectly healthy, okay, and alive. Listen to me.” Killua had looked away. “I love you. And you need to know that. And you can’t let this… guilt overcome you, okay? This hurts worse. This hurts worse than after… well, after. This is more painful for me, for me to see you hurting and in pain like this, okay?”

Killua nodded reluctantly. 

“So forget about it. Be here, be now. Be with me,” Gon added flippantly, pressing his lips to Killua’s gently. Killua smiled slightly, pulling back to look at him.

“Okay,” he whispered. 

“All right.”


	3. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua finally wakes up after being in the hospital.

_Warm… My hand is… warm… ___

__All I could see was blackness. Even as I tried to push through the inkiness, I could see it growing lighter, although I couldn’t seem to quite get through the last of it. A soft voice sounded in my ear, quiet and muffled-sounding._ _

__“Killua… Please…” The warmth on my hand suddenly made sense. As the memories flooded back to me, the black curtain still over my eyes, I inwardly cringed. Oh. _Oh. _I know what must have happened. I saw the flash of electricity, the fist flying towards me, and the numb feeling of unconsciousness wash over me.___ _

_____Oh._ _ _ _ _

______One by one, the rest of my senses came back to me. I became hyper-aware of the feeling of Gon’s hand on mine, of the sound of his muffled sobs, of the hospital sheet lying over my body. And yet, even with all of this sensation flooding in, I still couldn’t let Gon know I was awake. I couldn’t even open my eyes, let alone squeeze his hand reassuringly. I flinched internally when I felt tears land on my me, wanting nothing more than to be able to sit up and tell him I’m all right._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Killua, please wake up,” Gon said, a sob wracking his body. Killua felt himself slipping. If he were awake, he’d be bawling like a baby. “Please. I don’t… I don’t know what to do without you… Killua, I love you, please wake up…”_ _ _ _ _ _

______I felt a shock run through me. _I love you… _Did he really mean that…? Or was that just something he was saying under pressure and fear?___ _ _ _ _ _

________“I never got to tell you, and I’m sorry. I should’ve saved you. I should’ve…” Gon’s sentence trailed off, his voice constricting until he was no longer able to speak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Resolve hardened in my chest. Putting all of my strength, all of my determination into my arm, I forced myself to twitch my hand just a tiny bit, to give Gon’s hand a small squeeze. I heard his crying abruptly stop, and I could feel his eyes on me._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“K-Killua…?” I knew that he couldn’t tell if it was a twitch or if it was intentional, so I steeled myself to try it again. It was surprisingly easy this time, and now I was able to squeeze his hand with a bit more force. I felt Gon’s hand start shaking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Killua…!” Gon bent over me, and a flash of pain jolted through me as he did so. I spoke before I could stop myself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Ow…” I coughed, deciding that I had enough energy to try and open my eyes. It took a few blinks for Gon’s tear-streaked face to come into view. A watery smile broke over his face, fresh tears falling from his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Killua!” Gon’s expression twisted into one of guilt. “I’m sorry, I don’t… I- After you passed out, I tried to defeat the rest of them, but I couldn’t, so I just took you and ran, I’m sorry, I should’ve been stronger… I should’ve been stronger…” Gon trailed off as I gave him a light glare._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Gon. There’s nothing you could’ve done. And I’m fine, so it doesn’t matter. It’s all right.” I smiled slightly at him, taking a deep breath and sitting up. “Where’s everyone else?” As I spoke, the door creaked open._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Gon, are you alright? We heard…” Kurapika stepped in, his black eyes widening and flashing scarlet for just a moment. “Killua!” He rushed forward, embracing Killua in an uncharacteristic moment of affection. When he pulled back, his eyes shone with relief. “Are you feeling alright?” I nodded, a small smile on my face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah. How long have I been out…?” Gon and Kurapika frowned, looking almost sheepish._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Um… T-two weeks,” Gon stuttered, his eyes threatening to brim with tears again. “You’ve actually, um, been in a coma. No one knew when you’d wake up.” My mind reeled as I took in this information. Only now did I realize that Gon didn’t have any wounds or dressings._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh…” Kurapika grinned slyly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Gon hasn’t left your side the entire time.” Gon’s cheeks reddened and he averted his eyes, not looking at me. I laughed, flicking his forehead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t be all embarrassed, nerd. I would’ve done the same for you.” It took all of my self control to keep from blushing as hard as Gon was. Kurapika smiled knowingly, and turned to the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Leorio! Killua’s awake!” There was a loud crash outside the door, and a half second later, Leorio came bursting in._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“KILLUA! You’re awake!” I smiled dryly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah, I’ve noticed that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’ve been out _forever. _We thought Gon might become a permanent resident over here,” he added with a laugh. I rolled my eyes.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“And where have you been? Reading porn magazines?” Leorio froze._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Have not!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	4. It Doesn't Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua has a nightmare.

_You’ll kill him someday. You don’t truly care for him. The only thing you know is killing. Gon will die by your hands! ___

__Killua Zoldyck shook violently in his sleep, his face scrunched in pain and fear. Behind his closed eyelids, his brother, Illumi, was taunting him, with intermittent images of Gon Freecss dying in various ways. A small noise came from Killua as he curled up tighter, unconsciously looking for any escape from what he was hearing._ _

__

__

__I already told you, Kil, you don’t need friends. There are no friends. Only the mission at hand. Besides, there’s no point in befriending someone you know you’ll kill eventually. Face it: You can’t care about him. You’ll try to kill him just to see if you can, to gauge your power against his. You know it’s true._ _

__

__

____Rustling came from the bedsheets as Killua twisted and turned, the unbearable nightmare not ending. Even though he was asleep, he could feel the bloodlust, the condescension coming from Illumi._ _ _ _

____Endless images of Gon, lying dead and cold on the ground with Killua’s hands covered in blood. Gon, his neck broken, his head still in Killua’s hands. Gon’s heart, dripping in Killua’s hand. Gon dead by Killua’s hand._ _ _ _

____Abruptly, a scream escaped Killua, and the dream shattered, leaving him shivering in near-convulsions in his hotel bed. His eyes shut tightly against the images that still flashed in his mind, Killua bit his lip to the point of drawing blood to keep from crying out again. He felt a silent sob wrack through his body and he coughed, taking in a shuddering breath. Suddenly, he was aware of someone next to him. The door to his hotel room had opened without his noticing it._ _ _ _

____“Killua…?” Gon was crouched next to the bed, his eyes concerned and slightly afraid. With a feeling of dread, Killua noticed that his fingernails had become claws. With some effort, he forced them back. “Killua, what’s wrong? What happened? I heard you screaming…”_ _ _ _

____Killua closed his eyes again, his cheeks heating up despite himself. He looked imploringly at Gon, trying to use his eyes to ask him what he was to embarrassed to say. Gon smiled slightly and climbed up on the bed with him. Killua, feeling the tears still on his cheeks, wiped his eyes furiously, sitting up shakily. A part of him really just wanted to collapse into Gon’s arms, to make himself entirely vulnerable and not have to put up with everything anymore._ _ _ _

____“Killua, please tell me.” Gon’s expression was still worried, and he kneaded the comforter in front of him impatiently. “Please,” he added, his voice hardly above a whisper._ _ _ _

____Killua looked down, feeling tears come to his eyes again._ _ _ _

____“I, um…” He sighed. “I had a, um, a bad dream. About Illumi. He was, um, saying that I couldn’t… That I would…” Killua’s throat closed up, and he swallowed, attempting to keep the tears from overflowing. He coughed slightly. “He said that I would kill you. That I… That I couldn’t be friends with you, because all I know is killing, and that I’ll kill you one day, and I saw… I saw visions of…”_ _ _ _

____Killua couldn’t continue, even if he had wanted to. His throat closed up entirely, choking him off and leaving him stifling a sob. Gon’s eyes were appalled, and he shook his head. Killua took that as an indication of fear. Separating himself from Gon, Killua scooted to the other end of the bed, pulling his knees to his chest and putting his head on them, letting the tears fall silently. He felt the bedsprings creak._ _ _ _

____“D-don’t come near me!” he said brokenly. “I don’t want to hurt you…” He felt his own nails digging into his knees and curled up tighter._ _ _ _

____Gon didn’t listen, pulling himself close next to Killua, gently tugging at his shoulders until he loosened up a little bit. He pulled Killua into his lap, holding him and pressing his face into his hair wordlessly._ _ _ _

____“Gon…” Killua looked up, uncharacteristically shy. A sudden and debilitating burst of affection washed over him. “Gon, I-” He stopped himself. He couldn’t say it._ _ _ _

____“Hm?” Gon pulled away slightly, a light dusting of pink across his cheeks. “What is it, Killua?” Killua looked away; if he looked any longer he wouldn’t be able to keep from saying it._ _ _ _

____“I, um... “ He took a shaky breath. He still wasn’t entirely over his dream, but he was quickly being overcome with a different emotion. Killua spoke quickly. “Ireallylikebeingwithyou, okay?”_ _ _ _

____Gon smiled._ _ _ _

____“I like being with you, too. A lot.” Gon leaned forward slightly, then bit his lip infuriatingly, hesitating. “Although I don’t know…” He trailed off, his expression abruptly troubled. Killua frowned._ _ _ _

____“Don’t know what…?” Gon smiled sadly, tilting his head to the side._ _ _ _

____“I don’t know if we like each other the same way.” Killua’s cheeks heated up further, his entire face turning a shade of crimson._ _ _ _

____“Uh- I-I…” Killua was at a loss for words. Gon laughed softly. “H-how do you like me?” Killua asked awkwardly, inwardly cursing when he stuttered again._ _ _ _

____“Like this.” Gon took a deep breath before leaning forward and pressing his lips softly to Killua’s. He stayed there for a moment before pulling back quickly to gauge Killua’s reaction._ _ _ _

____Instead of saying something, Killua gave in to the flash of lust that ran through him at that moment. Pushing forward and pressing Gon against the bed, Killua kissed him passionately but softly. Gon parted his lips slightly, sighing into the kiss, and Killua took the opportunity to run a hand up under Gon’s shirt._ _ _ _

____A soft sound came from Gon’s lips, and Killua pulled back, his cheeks stained ruby. Gon gazed up at him, his expression somewhat dazed and sharp and wanting all at once._ _ _ _

____“I do believe,” Killua said in his best impression of Kurapika, “that we like each other the same way.” Gon giggled softly, pulling Killua down next to him and pressing himself into his side. Curling up, Gon closed his eyes, yawning._ _ _ _

____“Tired?” Killua asked. Gon nodded sleepily, pulling Killua’s arm around himself impatiently. Killua laughed quietly, pulling Gon closer and closing his eyes as well. “Goodnight, Gon. I…” He smiled. “I love you.”_ _ _ _

____“Mm,” Gon said softly. “G’night. Love you too…”_ _ _ _


	5. You're Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua is too late for Gon.

Gon’s eyes were blank as he mechanically dodged punches, occasionally letting himself get hit just so he could feel something, anything other than this awful, awful emptiness. With a sigh, he silently wiped them all out, quickly ending all of their lives. Gone was the innocent twelve year old boy who refused to take a life. Gone was the child who held friendship and loyalty above all else. Gone was all that made Gon himself. All that was left was a broken and shattered soul, a husk of a child, a battered and bruised person who was devoid of all emotion but rage and pain.

Just before he left, Gon realized with a vague pulse of pain that his arm was broken, and he grabbed a fallen man’s jacket, crafting a makeshift sling. Limping, Gon made it to a back alley before collapsing against a wall, panting. He stood there for several minutes before he could hear footsteps, and a painfully familiar voice calling his name.

“Gon! Where are you, Gon?!” A streak of blue and white flashed past the opening of the alley, and a dull feeling of recognition washed over Gon. More slowly this time, Killua walked past the alley, his blue eyes dancing with worry and fear.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you! What happened to you? Leorio and Kurapika have been so worried…” Gon stared uncomprehendingly are his friend, not hearing a single thing he was saying. Killua trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows. He said something Gon still could not hear, and put his hands on Gon’s shoulders, shaking him slightly. 

Horror broke across Killua’s expression as he realized that he couldn’t hear him. He shook him a bit harder. Killua’s mouth moved again, and tears fell down his cheeks.

‘I can’t hear him…’ Gon thought, staring blankly at Killua, watching as his eyes grew appalled and afraid. Suddenly Killua was shouting, shaking Gon again, sobbing.

A white-hot claw of resentment cleaved through Gon’s chest, and he leapt forward, his hands clenched around Killua’s throat. Gon ignored the sharp twinge of pain at moving his injured arm. For the first time in months, Gon was feeling something, albeit anger and hatred.

“Shut up.” Killua flinched, barely fighting against Gon’s hands, even though he could’ve easily won had he fought back. Gon’s lips were pulled back in snarl, his fingers pushing Killua’s windpipe shut. “Just. Shut. Up. Don’t act like you were so worried about me,” he spat, his voice dripping with acid. Killua choked, his hands scrabbling feebly on Gon’s. 

“I… am,” he coughed as Gon’s hands slackened slightly. “This… isn’t… you.”

Gon abruptly let go, leaving Killua gasping and clutching his throat.

“It is now. Because you all left me. You… you didn’t care. You might now, but you didn’t then. And now it’s too late.” Gon turned his back on Killua and started walking away.

“What…what happened to you?” Killua asked tearfully, his voice breaking. Gon stopped. “Did you forget everything that happened? Everything we did together? For each other?”

Gon looked over his shoulder, and Killua thought he saw something flicker in his eyes, a glimmer of his former self. For a moment, he looked vulnerable, honest, scared… For a moment, he looked like Gon. And then that moment ended.

“No, I didn’t forget.” And then he was walking away.


	6. Stay Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU in which Ging finds Kite after his fight with Neferpitou. Suggested by user Boxocat. Apologies for the lack of length.

“Dammit, Kite… Didn’t I tell you to look out for yourself?” A weak cough rattled from Kite’s chest. On second thought, it sounded more like a laugh.

“Actually, I think… your words were… ‘if you die I’m going to kill you.’” Ging shook his head and chuckled, gently running his hands through Kite’s hair. He had already called for backup, so Knuckle, Bine, and Biscuit were on their way. Ging had already tied off the wound that had severed Kite’s arm, and treated his various other lacerations and wounds as best he could. Kite’s breathing stuttered.

“Oh no, Kite. Don’t you go down on me,” Ging mumbled, fighting to keep the lighthearted tone in his voice. He didn’t want to upset him. 

“You don’t really think… I’m going to survive this… do you?” Another rattling, wet laugh. “I thought… you were smarter than that. You’ve never… held onto false hope.” A tear fell onto Kite’s cheek. “Are you… crying?” He looked up at Ging’s taut expression. 

“No… Asshole,” Ging said, looking away.

“I’ve never seen you… cry,” Kite said with a sad smile. “Not even when you left Gon. I could… see it in your eyes… but you didn’t cry.” Ging glared back down at Kite.

“It’s because I care about you, okay?! I don’t want you to die.” His voice broke on the last word. “You’re my best friend, Kite. You’re more than that… I love you, Kite,” he whispered, leaning down to press his forehead against his. Kite’s eyes widened as he stared at the night sky.

“I… I love you too, Ging.”


End file.
